Surprise, Ed!
by x0xJennx0x
Summary: Roy is bored and comes up with an idea. It's payback time for Ed. But what happens when Winry, Riza, and everyone else get unintentionally involved?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

**1. The Plan**

Roy looked out of his window, doing his best to ignore the piles of paperwork on his desk. Today had been just like any other day: come into office, Riza gives him paperwork, and then he falls asleep. Maybe one or two peeks at Riza, but if she caught him staring at her, he'd end up with a bullet in his body and twice as much paperwork as usual. Roy sighed and looked down at his desk. The next paper was another mission for the infamous Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric. Roy concentrated on Ed for a while, to keep his mind off of the rest of the paperwork. Maybe something about Ed could make his daily life more fun. Roy sighed. He wished Hughes was here. Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes was Roy's best friend and majored in the investigations department. Roy wished he could just call Hughes and ask him to look u some info on Ed, but was reminded of the fact that that was an impossibility. Although Maes would do anything to help Roy, and promised to help Roy to the top, it was not plausible, not because they weren't friends, but simply because Maes was…-sniff-…dead.

Roy sighed again. He thought of how well Hughes was at finding info. Once, he found out Ed's birthday even though no one else knew.

_Wait a second… Fullmetal's birthday…hmm…_

Then an idea hit him. Ed's birthday was soon. It was winter, and that's when Ed helped deliver Hughes' baby while celebrating his birthday (a/n: yes, this is based on the anime, although I love the manga). All he had to do was ask Gracia when it was, then plan the party. And what a party it's going to be.

Roy smiled. This was the ultimate prank on Ed, or at least until he thought of something better. But he'll need the ingredients. Roy took out a sheet of paper and made a list:

A NICE PLACE TO CELEBRATE A BIRTHDAY PARTY. Well, that would be easy. His home would do.

A LOT OF PEOPLE. Also easy. His subordinates would definitely help.

ENVY. Yes, the homunculus was a definite need, since Roy was going to be busy with preparations (well, that's what he'll tell the next ingredient)

Yaoi Fangirls. Lots of them. They would have to consist of most of the people or the trick wont work.

_HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! This is perfect. It's gonna be Ed's worst birthday ever._

_The next day_

"Attention everyone" Roy said. Everyone, which included all his subordinates, Major Armstrong, Lt. Maria Ross, and Lt. Denny Bloch, looked at Roy.

" In a few weeks, we're gonna give Ed a surprise birthday party"

"Awww. Why? He's played so many tricks on us for the past month that I'm always sore."

"Yea! Why should we do anything for him?"

"Calm down!" Roy almost yelled, as the complaints were growing. " I'm mad at him too. Remember the time he switched my uniform with a highly flammable one?"

" Of course." Replied Jean Havoc. " He also poured gasoline on you and made you snap at your paperwork. So why are you throwing a party for him?"

Roy smiled and told his subordinates what he was planning. They all stared wide-eyed at him with grins on their faces.

" Hell yeah! This is gonna rock!"

"So does that mean you'll all attend?"

A chorus of "yes's" and "definitely" came in response.

"Then I'll see you all at my house in two weeks exactly."

Roy smiled again. This is what Ed deserves for playing so many tricks on the military. Now he's the one being tricked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Yay! I got reviews! -author very happy-**

**Ok, well, hope you like this chappy!!!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal alchemist, but oh how I would love to.

"talking"

'thinking'

_flashback_

Ed stepped off the train. Finally, after spending a whole month in an idiotic little town settling out disputes, he was back at central. Ah…time to yell Mustang's head off again.

"Hurry up, Brother!" Al called. Ed looked over at his brother. Al, still a 7-foot suit of armor, seemed pretty out of place in the middle of central station. Of course, most people there were used to it by now. Al was widely known as the "beloved little brother of that small little alchemist guy"(xD). This got someone very, very pissed.

Ed and Al gathered their thing and, making the biggest mistake in their lives, left for central HQ. Little did they know of the special passenger on the next train.

The Next Train

'Geez, Winry thought, 'I'm really being too nice to Ed. I mean, I'm always wasting MY time going to central to help HIM celebrate something.'

She was sitting in a small compartment on one of those awesome trains that go to central. She had miraculously remembered Ed's birthday and was on her way to central to help him celebrate it, since we all know Ed can't do anything- especially not celebrate his own birthday- without help( proof: episode 7).

Before she had left, she had thought of many ways to surprise Ed. The best idea was….

_Flashback_

_"Hm…I guess I __could__ take him and Al out for dinner, but that would cost wayyyy too much, with his appetite and all…Ah! A surprise party! That's perfect! Oh, wait, he's probably too buy working…which mean, I can hold the party at Central Headquarters!! Heh, haven't been there in a while. Well, better go find Colonel Mustang and ask him to help!"_

_End Flashback_

The train stopped, and a very enthusiastic someone was on her way to getting mixed up in a very, very complicated problem.

At Central HQ

Roy and his subordinates (excluding Riza) were all discussing how they planned on taking their sick, yaoi-ful revenge on Ed, when none other than Riza Hawkeye walked in. All was silent.

Riza looked suspiciously at all of them, especially Roy. "What were you all talking about?" she asked. Obviously, if they had time to chat like this, they must have finished their paperwork, which was highly unlikely considering these were MEN working under the COLONEL.

Roy paled. Riza could NOT know about their plans. She would shoot them all, make them apologize to the pipsqueak, then shoot them all again in their vital spots. Roy, who had no intention of dying a premature death due to one of Riza's bullets, had to think fast, a concept that was quite new to him.

"U-Uh, Riza! Impeccable timing! You're JUST the person we wanted to see!" Everyone stared at the colonel as if he had gone crazy. What was he thinking???!!!

Riza eyed him unsurely. "What's all this about, Sir?"

Roy laughed one of those please-don't-kill-me laughs. "Well, we were just talking about what we we're doing over the weekend…" Now everyone was sure the colonel had gone crazy. This could not be the mastermind that thought of revenge in the first place, could it be?

"…and we realized it's going to be Elysia's birthday!!"

…sweatdrop.

"And, Sir, why does that matter?"

At this, Roy slammed his hand on his desk. "Why does it matter, Hawkeye?! Because Maes is my BEST FRIEND! And in his demise, it becomes MY responsibility to watch over his daughter! GOT IT?!" How he had come up with that, no one will ever know.

Now, Riza was quite suspicious. For very good reasons, too. 1) Gracia was perfectly capable of taking care of Elysia herself and 2)since when did Roy take responsibility?! Something wasn't right, and she'll just have to see what they were REALLY planning.

'This could be interesting,' she thought.

Ok, well hope you like it! Give me at least another week for the next chapter!


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